


epiphany

by CorsetBriefs



Category: Chicago Fire, Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, Family Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:08:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27087607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CorsetBriefs/pseuds/CorsetBriefs
Summary: "Only twenty minutes to sleep, but you dream of some epiphany." — AU — Post season 7 Linstead reunion and post season 8 Dawsey reunion - with some little twists.
Relationships: Jay Halstead/Erin Lindsay, Matthew Casey/Gabriela Dawson
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, yeah, this is my first OneChicago fic so bear with me. This begins where season 7 and 8 ended. There will be OCs and a little bunch of little kids because I seem to be unable to write something without kids on it. The idea is pretty ambitious so I hope I can fulfill it. ALSO, I have the most amazing beta writer, who I can't stop thanking for adding the final touches to this chapter!
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!

**Chapter 1:**

_**"All I want is nothing more** _

_**To hear you knocking at my door** _

_**'Cause if I could see your face once more** _

_**I could die a happy man I'm sure"** _

**Friday, June 12. 8:30 A.M.**

"As we all know, Brett was having trouble finding a paramedic to replace Foster," Casey said as he moved to the front of the briefing room and addressed the men and women in front of him, "so I went ahead and brought in the best paramedic and firefighter in Chicago, Elizabeth Williams."

The small brunette that stood beside Matt gave a small wave accompanied by a friendly smile.

"We went to the Academy together, so I can assure you she'll be amazing and I hope you can all join me in giving her a warm welcome," Matt added.

Everyone voiced their welcome.

"Thank you, I've heard amazing things about this house so I'm looking forward to working with y'all," Elizabeth said.

"A friend of Casey will always be welcome here at 51," Herrmann spoke first, wanting to include and welcome the hopefully new permanent paramedic, "Why don't you tell us about you, kid?"

"Well, as the Captain said, I used to be a firefighter for Firehouse 21, but I got pregnant a year ago so I moved to paramedic after having Charlotte. I needed a change of scenery so I decided to transfer, and that's what brings me here," Elizabeth smiled after finishing the summary of how she ended up in Firehouse 81.

Casey put his arm around her shoulders and opened his mouth to say something but the tannoy overhead interrupted him.

_"AMBULANCE 61, PERSON IN DISTRESS, 1109 WEST TAYLOR."_

* * *

"Wow, that was intense! Didn't really get those types of calls at 21," Elizabeth told Brett as they were on their way back to the firehouse after they finished up with the call.

"Here some days are like this, intense, and some others we don't get anything other than explosive vomiting or an injured grandpa," Brett explained as she drove.

"I like it. I really needed some kind of excitement after leaving truck."

"Why didn't you go back after having your daughter?" Brett inquired.

Maybe she experienced the same thing as Gabby who had trouble being on truck after adopting Louie, the blonde paramedic silently thought to herself.

"I decided not to go back to truck after having Charlie because of how dangerous it was, but my baby daddy wanted me to stop doing everything, he wanted me to stay at home and take care of the baby like it was the only job I was meant to do," Elizabeth became so angry when she remembered the things he said to her. "Like, we weren't even together, the only tie we have is Charlotte, so I don't know why he thinks it's his place to tell me what to do!"

She just wished the custody trial would end so she and her daughter would no longer be connected to him.

"So you just left?" Brett questioned.

"It wasn't that easy. Because I didn't listen to him, he decided to make my life miserable. He went to court and reported me, saying that I couldn't ensure my daughter's safety because of the job I had. He asked for full custody, and it's thanks to Jay and Matt that my daughter is still with me."

They were her guardian angels and she would never stop thanking them for helping her.

"I left 21 because I needed to get away from him, it was kind of a blessing when Matt told me you guys needed a paramedic," she added, finishing her story at the same time they arrived at the firehouse. "I really look forward to working together, I never had a female partner, so I'm excited," she smiled at Brett before getting out of the ambulance.

"Aunt Ellie!" Grace ran out of the common room towards the paramedic.

Elizabeth crouched down to receive her hug.

"Daddy told me you'll be working here, is Charlie going to stay here like me when I was a baby?" Grace asked excitedly as Elizabeth stood with her in her arms. "Hi, Brett," the little girl added with a wave.

"I don't know, baby, let's wait a few months, okay? How was school?" Elizabeth asked, starting to walk towards the kitchen.

"Really good! We gotta go to daddy's office because I have to tell him too," Grace wiggled in her arms wanting to be put down.

"Wow, this must be very important if you want to tell all of us, I'm so excited to hear all about it!" she replied as Grace grabbed Elizabeth's hand and led her down the hallway.

"Yeah!" Grace walked fast but halfway through, she started to slow down. "Do you think he can call mommy so I can tell her too?" She asked, looking up at Elizabeth.

Elizabeth stopped walking and bent down to Grace's level and looked her in the eyes. "We can try, but you know that mommy is working and sometimes she can't answer her phone, so if she doesn't answer now, you can try later." She explained to her.

Since Gabby had gone to Puerto Rico permanently Grace had communicated with her by video call at least once a week.

"Yes, Mommy is helping a lot of people when she can't answer her phone." Thankfully, so far Grace had understood why her mother was over there and not here with her and her father. Elizabeth stood up straight while Grace ran the rest of the way to her father's office. "Daddy, I'm back with Auntie Ellie!" She announced, opening the door and climbing on her father's lap as soon as he stopped writing.

Matt looked at Elizabeth as she walked into the office. "Hey, how was the call? Everything okay with Brett?"

Matt had told her how difficult it had been for Sylvie to find a partner after Foster left.

"The call was fine, different from what I was used to, but in a good way," she said as she sat on the bed, "things with Brett were good I think, at least on my side, I hope I'm good enough for her to decide to keep me."

"You're great, and if Brett doesn't think so, she's gonna have to get used to it, because you're staying. We can't be switching paramedics every week."

He had decided to take charge after a month of changing paramedics, he knew it wasn't easy but what Brett was doing was something else.

Elizabeth smiled. What she and Matt were doing was like an exchange of favors, she needed to leave 21 and he needed a paramedic. But she also knew that as a Captain, Matt took his job seriously; if he didn't think she was really good at her job, she wouldn't be there.

"Daddy, can we call mommy? I want to tell her about my school day too!" Grace asked, already bored of hearing about things she didn't understand, kneeling on his father's lap. "It's okay if she doesn't answer, I just want to try," she quickly added.

It had already been a few days that her mother had not answered the phone and when that happened her father's face would become sad and at night he would let her sleep with him, apologizing for not having been able to talk to her mother.

Elizabeth saw that Matt looked unsure.

"Okay, we can try," he said, grabbing his phone that was on the desk.

He scrolled until he found Gabby's number and called. The three of them waited for Gabby to answer, and as Matt suspected, she didn't.

"Sorry, baby, it seems mom is busy right now. We'll try again later today," he said, leaving his cell phone on the desk and wrapping his arms around his adopted daughter.

"She's been busy for weeks, daddy, I have so many things to tell her," Grace exclaimed, dropping her face on her father's shoulder and looking at Elizabeth with a frown.

"Lilith told me to write everything I want to tell her in a notebook like she does with everything she has to tell Erin."

She and Lilith, Voight's adopted daughter, had become fast friends after Jay had brought Lilith with him one of the times they worked together. Grace was a year older, and the two of them were pretty smart for their age given that they were raised around adults.

"That's a very good idea, Gracie," Elizabeth said, standing up and moving towards them to caress Grace's brown hair, "you have to keep in mind that where your mommy is, sometimes cell phones don't work and she has to get to a certain place to be able to use it."

"Yeah, I'm sure that when she can, she'll call us. Now, why don't you tell us what you were so excited about," Matt said against his daughter's shoulder trying to change the subject.

"Yeah!" Grace's mood shifted suddenly.

She lifted her head from Matt's shoulder and sat up straight, looking at them.

"Miss Rose told me I'm really good at reading and writing so she asked me if I wanted to try for the spelling competition and I said yes! I'm the only one in my class!"

"Wow, that's amazing Grace!" Elizabeth exclaimed.

At the age of five, Grace had the reading and writing skills of a third-grader. She had even taught Lilith how to read and write.

"Miss Rose said they're going to test me next week and if I pass I'll be able to enter the Spring Spelling Contest," Grace explained enthusiastically.

"That's great, baby. I'm very proud of you," Matt said, stroking his daughter's hair, looking at her adoringly. He couldn't believe that this smart little girl was the same baby that had been left outside the firehouse that cold day five years ago.

Her parents had been killed by the same woman who had come to the firehouse claiming she was her daughter. When Gabby found out that she had no immediate family and was going to end up in the system, she decided to adopt her.

From her very first word he had been daddy and Gabby had been mommy, and after Gabby miscarried they decided it would be a good idea for Matt to legally adopt Grace as well.

"When I'm here, we'll practice so you'll pass that test with flying colors," Elizabeth proposed after Grace explained the contents of the test. Elizabeth noticed that Matt wasn't listening. "Grace, why don't you go watch TV for a bit? Later we can have some snacks while I help you with your homework if you have any."

"Okay, I don't have any but we can start practicing for the test," she said, getting off her father's lap and picking up her backpack from the ground. She put the backpack on her back and left closing the door behind her and heading for the common room.

Elizabeth looked at Matt waiting for him to say something but he remained silent, looking at the door through which his daughter had left.

"When was the last time you talked to her?" Elizabeth broke the silence with the issue she thought was bothering Matt.

Elizabeth had met Matt at the academy and when they had finished they had kept in touch and would see each other at firefighters' barbecues, which is where she met Gabby. She had seen how happy Gabby and Matt made each other and when Gabby had left, they both turned to Elizabeth as a person to talk to who they knew wasn't going to choose any sides.

After the day Gabby returned to Chicago for a few weeks, Elizabeth had seen Matt more relaxed than he had been in months. She didn't know in detail what had happened between them, but she knew judging by Matt's reaction that whatever it had been, it had to be good.

"A little over a month ago, maybe," he answered, still not looking at her.

"When was the last time you _really_ talked to her. Without Grace?" Elizabeth asked again, as she sat back on the bed.

"Not since November…" Matt pondered.

"You're saying you haven't had a real conversation since she came to Chicago?"

Matt nodded.

" _Why_? When you told me that everything had been fine, and from the way you said it, I figured it had been more than fine."

She didn't understand, after how happy the two of them had been she would have expected everything to be better, not worse.

"I don't know. She sent me a voice message after she left, about how being here reminded her of the best times of her life and how there would always be room for me in her tent."

Matt remembered feeling so happy but at the same time confused, if despite the distance Gabby still felt the same way he felt about her, what was stopping her from coming back?

"It sounded like an invitation, one I never responded to," Matt continued.

Maybe if they had talked about it, they could have avoided the last few months he thought.

"I didn't do it on purpose but after that day all calls were focused on Grace. It seems that seeing her only made her miss her more," he took a breath before continuing, "after how most calls had ended I knew that if we talked we would argue, and we did, that was the last time she answered."

He remembers the last time they spoke with bitterness.-

"And I don't care that she doesn't want to talk to me, but I never thought she would do this to Grace, she is her mother. She went through so much to adopt her."

"I haven't been able to reach her either," Elizabeth said thoughtfully, oh God, now she understood, "we had been texting each other a few times, she had asked me to keep her up to date on the Tyler issue but the last few times I tried to call her she didn't answer."

She didn't want to think about it, but Gabby wouldn't do that just for an argument she wasn't even in.

"I don't want to think anything bad but I don't think she's avoiding you, something must have happened to her," she tried to say calmly, even though her conscience was screaming at her.

Before they could say anything else the tannoy went off.

_"TRUCK 81, SQUAD 3, AMBULANCE 61, ENGINE 51, SCHOOL FIRE, 1076 ROOSEVELT ROAD."_

* * *

The call went by like a flash for Matt. He couldn't stop thinking about how all this time he had been thinking that Gabby was ignoring him something could have happened to her.

He had been selfish, all because he had been upset about how their last conversation had ended.

She had decided to leave for Puerto Rico after their argument about having more children. They hadn't reached an agreement, she wanted to get pregnant even though she knew about the risks involved, she didn't seem to care that after all her sacrifice she could die leaving him behind with their children.

He didn't care that their children weren't biologically their own. They already had Grace and they had had Louie. He loved those children as if they were biologically his and despite what had happened with Louie he knew that if they decided to adopt again it didn't have to be the same, everything could be fine just like with Grace.

He had said things he regretted but he had been so angry. He had to look at the sad look in their daughter's eyes after every call.

He had tried to move on with his life without Gabby, he would have liked not to have to, but he didn't want his daughter to see him miserable, he had to be strong for her. He had tried but had not succeeded and the day Gabby visited Chicago had made everything more difficult and confusing.

Grace saw that as a chance for her mother to come back. It wasn't so impossible anymore, so the little girl turned all the calls into opportunities to beg her mother to come back.

Matt usually left Grace with his cell phone in the living room while he looked for something to distract himself with but he could still hear Gabby's excuses and they drove him crazy. Still, he didn't interrupt the calls.

When Grace finished, she would go get him to return his cell phone and let him know she was going to bed, telling him she loved him and that she didn't need him to read her a story. At first, he thought it was something about her age, his baby wanting to be independent, but one of those nights he walked by the door and heard her sobbing.

**-xxx-**

_Matt knocked on the door and walked inside, seeing his daughter hastily wiping away her tears._

_"Hey, baby, what's wrong?" He asked softly, walking to her bed, and sitting on the edge._

_"Nothing, daddy, I just had a nightmare," she responded, avoiding his gaze and too calm to have been awakened by a nightmare._

_"You know you can come get me when you have nightmares, you don't have to keep sleeping alone if you're scared, love," he settled down by Grace's side and laid her on his chest, kissing her forehead as he used to do since the first time she had woken him and Gabby up after a bad dream._

_He felt when Grace started sobbing silently again, he knew it wasn't because of a nightmare._

_"I'm sorry, daddy. I don't want to cry," she sobbed, clutching his shirt tightly._

_Matt stroked her back, kissing her head repeatedly._

_"It's okay to cry, baby," he didn't speak until he felt her sobs settle down. "You want to tell me what's got you so upset?"_

_He looked down so he could look into his daughter's watery blue eyes._

_Grace hid her face in his chest, cuddling closer._

_"I don't want you to be sad," she whispered against his chest._

_"It makes me sad to see you cry, baby, but maybe if you tell me what's wrong I can help you," He continued to caress her back soothingly, waiting for her answer._

_A minute passed in silence._

_"Did we do something to make mommy not want to come back?" Grace asked in a whisper._

_He had thought that he would be prepared for when his daughter asked why Gabby had left but at that moment he didn't know what to say._

_"No, baby, you didn't do anything. Your mom loves you very much, it's just that sometimes we adults have to make difficult decisions," he didn't know if he was making any sense, but he continued anyway. "Mommy didn't want to leave, but she needed to go to Puerto Rico."_

_"Why couldn't we go with her?" Grace asked looking up at her father from under her watery lashes. "We promised to be together forever."_

_"It's more complicated than that, love. We couldn't just leave and drop everything and leave," Matt tried to explain._

_They hadn't told Grace yet that they were divorced, it had been so sudden. It had been a month after Gabby had taken the job in Puerto Rico permanently and he didn't know what state their relationship had been in. He had told Brett this and she had suggested sending her the divorce letter and waiting to see what her response would be. Gabby's response had been to sign the divorce and never mention it._

_Grace stayed silent, Matt knew she probably had a thousand more questions, he and Gabby believed that all the time their daughter spent in the firehouse around their colleagues had made her extremely curious and intelligent._

_Grace looked up at him worriedly. "You'll always be with me, won't you, Daddy?"_

_This is what Matt was afraid of, that his daughter would develop trust issues, that she would be constantly afraid of someone else leaving her._

_"Grace, I promise you I will always be with you, and even if your mom is not here in Chicago, she will always be there for you. I'm sure that if you want, you can go visit her."_

_Although he didn't like the situation they were in, he needed his daughter to know that despite any problems he and Gabby might have, her mother loved her. Matt looked her in the eye, snuggling her more to his chest._

_"You know, we adults sometimes have problems and when we want to solve them we don't think straight and do things that can hurt other people," he tried to explain in the most simple way._

_Grace looked at him intently._

_"Mom and I had a problem, which has nothing to do with you, and we may not have solved it in the best way," he gently brushed her hair out of her face, "someday, Mom and I are going to explain to you why this happened and hopefully find a solution that won't hurt you anymore."_

_"I'm not hurt, daddy. I just miss mommy a lot, but now I know you will find a solution because you always do," she lifted from his chest to give him a kiss on the cheek and lay down again, this time with her whole body on him. That meant he wouldn't get out of bed until Grace was asleep._

_He couldn't understand how Gabby had been able to leave this. Although they may never agree on whether to have more children, they already had Grace and unlike her, he didn't need anything else._

**-xxx-**

After that night, he would tuck Grace in after each call and make sure she was asleep before he went to bed.

He had told Gabby a hasty version of what had happened and she had only said that Grace could come and visit her at any time but before he could ask if she meant just Grace or him too, Gabby had to leave.

That was a month before the last call.

Like every night Grace had waited for her mother to call at 8:00 pm, but she had to go to sleep without talking to her and Matt had noticed how sad that had made her.

When Gabby called at 10 he was furious.

He couldn't even remember when he started screaming. He had said things he didn't really mean and Gabby had kept quiet most of the call allowing him to release his anger and frustrations. He hadn't realized that until now, she hadn't countered any of his accusations, she had just kept quiet taking in everything he had said.

He prayed now for Gabby to be okay and for him to have a chance to apologize for everything he said to her that night. He didn't know what he would do if something happened to her. He could live knowing that she was okay even if she was far away from him, but he couldn't live knowing that something had happened to her and the last thing he said to her wasn't that he loved her.

* * *

**Saturday, June 13. 7:50 A.M.**

"Hey Gabby, how are you? It's been quite a while since we talked and today I talked to Casey and he said he hasn't been able to talk to you either, it's everything alright? You know you can call me whenever you need, and please call Matt when you hear this, he's very worried."

Elizabeth left a message hoping that Gabby would reply soon. She started walking out of the locker room just as Brett was coming in.

"Hey, have you talked to Gabby recently?" She asked her partner.

She knew both Brett and Gabby used to be good friends when they worked together.

"Mmm no, I haven't spoken to her since she left. Why? Did something happen?" Brett answered.

She and Gabby had had a fight before she left and it seems that they were both too proud to accept that one of them was wrong.

"No, no, it's just that I haven't heard back from her in a few days, but I'm sure she's busy."

Elizabeth wanted to give Brett a chance, but she couldn't stop thinking about what Grace had told her when she had asked her why she didn't like her mother's old partner.

"I'm going to ask Casey, I'm sure he talked to her," Elizabeth lied, wanting to see what her reaction would be.

Brett flashed a fake smile at her as she walked into the locker room and the door closed behind her.

If Grace was right, and that girl was too observant to have been wrong, then Brett had another reason for not talking to Gabby, Elizabeth thought.

It was already the end of the shift so she started to head for the exit of the station, smiling and nodding goodbye to her new colleagues as she went.

Just as she was about to unlock her car, she heard someone call her name behind her back. She turned around and saw Matt walking toward her with a sleeping Grace in his arms.

"Hey, I need a favor. I know you're pretty busy with Charlie right now, but I've got a possible construction job and I need someone to watch Grace just for the afternoon," he asked in a low tone of voice, not wanting to disturb Grace from her sleep.

"Yeah, sure, no problem, Jay's going to drop Lilith off too so we'll have a girls' afternoon," Elizabeth smiled, reaching out her hand and stroking the back of the sleeping Grace.

"Thank you, I will drop her off around one and if she's having fun I'll pick her up at 6, okay?"

"Okay, perfect, see you in a few hours then," Elizabeth said, opening her car door and getting in.

They waved at each other as she drove away and Matt walked to his truck.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! This chapter is more filler than anything and it's also pretty short but I promise the next will be more interesting and hopefully longer. This one is mostly for getting to know the little girls who are going to be a big part of the story.
> 
> Also, as always, thanks to my beta reader for the finishing touches!
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!

**Chapter 2:**

_**"Pulled the car off the road to the lookout** _

_**Could've followed my fears all the way down** _

_**And maybe I don't quite know what to say** _

_**But I'm here in your doorway"** _

**Saturday, June 13. 14:34 P.M.**

The doorbell of Elizabeth's apartment rang just as she finished washing the dishes. She walked out of the kitchen and checked that Charlotte was still napping as she headed to open the door.

"Hey, Jay," she said with a welcoming smile on her face as she stood in front of her visitors.

Jay was standing dressed in a suit with Lilith in his arms and Grace standing in front of him. Normally after preschool, Lilith would stay at the precinct with them and Grace at the firehouse, but today they had a hearing and he and Hank preferred that she stayed with someone. They would usually opt for Matt as their first choice to look after Lilith (when they both couldn't directly), since Matt's daughter and Lilith were best friends and the little girl would do well to have some friendly company. But today, Matt had a construction job and was unable to do so himself, having already arranged for Grace to spend the day with Elizabeth and Charlie, which is how the two girls had now wound up in front of her door.

"And hello to you little princesses, are we going to have a fun only girls afternoon today?" Elizabeth asked them as Lilith extended her arms to her so she could hug her.

"Jay told me we could go to the park all together!" She cheered, wiggling with excitement.

Weirdly for Lilith, going to the park was a total thrill even though she did it every week. Elizabeth put her down so she could grab the little pink backpack Jay was handing her.

"Yes! and we can also feed the ducks and go for ice cream," Grace added with equal excitement, grinning back and forth between Elizabeth and her friend.

"It seems you guys are going to have a fun afternoon, I'm so sad I can't stay." Jay got down to Lilith's level to talk to her, "Remember what I told you, Lilith, be good and careful, Ellie has a baby, so no running around inside the apartment."

He kissed her forehead before adding, "I love you, princess. Your dad will come get you when we're done and I'll see you on Monday." He said, giving her an Eskimo kiss. That little girl had been the only thing keeping him sane after Erin had left. He kissed Grace on the forehead as well, telling her to behave and then he stood up.

"I love you too, Jay. I'm going to miss you and I'm going to be good," she told him.

Elizabeth handed the little girl her backpack and she and Grace sprinted into the living room.

"I ran into Matt outside and it seemed like he was running later than me - Thanks for this, I owe you a drink."

Jay knew that Elizabeth wasn't a drinker, since he met her in high school he's only seen her drunk three times, but he extended the offer nonetheless out of courtesy.

"I'm breastfeeding so you're going to have to pay me back another way," she said flirtatiously, a teasing grin displayed on her face, which she only managed to momentarily hold before they both laughed.

Jay knew she was kidding. Even though, yes, they did have sex a few times in the past, it had been just that- sex. But more importantly, it had been before Erin, during a time in his life to which he didn't want to return to.

Their laughs were cut short when they heard Charlotte, the baby having probably been awakened by the girls.

"I better go or I'm going to be late. We have to get together one of these days, it's been a while since we have," Jay said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek and shouting goodbye to the girls.

Elizabeth closed the door and walked into the living room.

Lilith and Grace were sitting on the floor taking out the things they had in their backpacks and showing them to Charlotte who was sitting in her bassinet watching them attentively.

"And this is the notebook where I write all the interesting things that happen to me so I can tell Erin, my big sister, because she's in New York." Lilith reached into her backpack to get out a pencil, opened the notebook, and laid it on the floor to start writing.

"Mama," Charlotte called when she saw Elizabeth, stretching her little arms to be pulled out of her crib. Elizabeth approached the crib dodging Lilith who was lying in front of it, entirely focused on what she was writing. She laughed quietly as she picked Charlie up.

"Ellie, look, daddy bought me a notebook so I could write the thing I want to tell mommy," Grace said, showing her her new green glittery notebook. "I didn't write anything yet, but daddy said I could use it as a diary too. Do you have an extra pencil, Lilith?" She asked, lying next to her, the little girls' legs in the air crossed to match the posture of her best friend.

"Yes," Lilith replied, grabbing her backpack and taking out a yellow pencil case full of colored pencils and markers.

"Wow, you've got quite the collection there, Lil," Elizabeth said, sitting Charlotte next to her toy box and sitting on the couch.

"Yes, because on my last birthday they gave me a bunch of coloring books but I only had some pencils so Jay buys me pencils and markers every time we go to the park," Lilith explained, as she began to write again in her notebook, Grace following suit and doing the same thing.

Lilith had been found by Hank abandoned in a duffle bag by the river. His team had worked to investigate who had left her and after she had recovered at the hospital everyone thought she would end up in the custody of her birth mother, but she ended up giving up on her and before Lilith ended up in the system, Voight decided to adopt her.

Initially, Olive was still living with Hank so she took care of her and Daniel, but after Justin's death she decided to move, so Hank decided that Lilith would stay with him in the district. It wasn't the best option, but they made it work.

The first few months, a nanny looked after her in the district, but you would always find her in the arms of one of the detectives, mostly in Erin's, who also looked after her on the days that Hank had to work late.

That was how Lilith and Jay had become so attached. Lilith had been fascinated with Jay since she was a baby. When his father and sister weren't around, she used to crawl after him, making the rest of the unit laugh, between him and Erin, he was the one who could calm Lilith down the fastest on a bad night and a lot of other things that became more noticeable after Erin left.

"When you finish what you are doing we can get ready to go to the park, okay? Then we can go for ice cream and after that, we can come back and watch a movie, how about that?" Elizabeth suggested. The park would tire them out enough that they would probably fall asleep before the movie ended.

"Yes! I'm almost done," Lilith said, excitement filling her from Elizabeth's suggestion.

Beside her, Grace closed her notebook and put it in her backpack, sitting down and approaching Charlotte in order to play with her.

After Lilith finished Elizabeth started preparing them to leave. It was hot outside so the girls were both dressed in short-sleeved shirts and shorts. Elizabeth prepared a backpack with the things they would need for their outing before she dressed Charlotte in a little summer dress.

Putting the toddler in her stroller and checking that they didn't forget anything, they all left her apartment and headed for the elevator.

The walk to the park was peaceful. It wasn't the first time Elizabeth babysat Grace so she knew her, but it was the first time she babysat Lilith. She had been with her several times but always with Jay, and she had seen that the little girl was obedient but also quite energetic and spirited, opposite to her more tame friend.

As they approached the park, Elizabeth hoped that by being together, the little girls would balance out each other's personalities and not get overexcited.

Elizabeth sat on a bench and pulled the girls closer to put sunscreen on them, telling them to stay together so she could watch them better.

As the girls left to play, she took Charlotte out of the stroller and sat her down next to it with her toys.

It was almost four o'clock so she decided she would let them play for an hour before they all went for some ice cream and fed the ducks.

She watched Grace who was on the swing set and then looked for Lilith. She craned her neck when she couldn't see her near Grace, eventually finding her at the monkey bars. There weren't many kids in the park, so she called out for her to be careful, making sure the young child heard her when she looked at her and smiled with a nod.

Elizabeth watched Lilith climb easily and move until she was halfway through the bars, she took a swing with her legs and was suddenly upside down. The woman inhaled sharply and held her breath. What was Jay teaching this girl? Military training? She was four years old and Elizabeth was sure she hadn't learned to do that until she was six.

If she had those skills at this age she was going to remember to tell Jay to get her into gymnastics.

They were in the park until Grace ran to her to tell her she was thirsty. It was around that time that Charlie too started getting fussy, probably from hunger. Elizabeth decided it was a good idea to go sit in an ice cream shop instead of feeding the ducks, so that she could nurse Charlotte.

Handing Grace a bottle of water, she settled Charlotte in the stroller whilst calling Lilith to join them. The little girl seemed to have plenty of energy left.

"Hey Grace, can you get Lilith, please?" She asked her when she saw that Lilith had either not heard her or had ignored her.

She watched Grace run to where Lilith was still playing while she picked up Charlotte's toys. She laughed as she saw the difference between the girls, while Grace's braid had only gotten a little disheveled, Lilith's ponytail was almost undone, and her knees were a little dirty from kneeling on the floor too many times.

Grace and Lilith started walking towards her.

"Lil, do you want me to re-do your hair before we go for the ice cream?" Elizabeth asked with a smile.

The girl nodded, sitting on the bench where she had previously been, receiving the bottle of water Grace was offering.

"Did you two have fun?" Elizabeth asked as she began to untangle Lilith's reddish-brown hair.

"Yeah, Lilith showed me all the tricks she knows in the monkey bars and told me she is going to teach them to me next time," Grace explained excitedly, sitting next to Lilith.

"Yes, I saw! Lil, they are very impressive." She said, pulling Lilith's hair up with a blue ribbon.

"Jay teached me, at first he had to help me but now I can do them on my own," she said proudly.

"That's awesome! Next time when you teach Grace remember that there has to be an adult because you are not tall enough to help her yet," she said, finishing up Lilith's hair. "There! Now let's go get those ice creams."

They arrived at the ice cream shop and Elizabeth chose a table inside so she could nurse better. After Charlotte was two months old, she stopped caring about modesty. Her baby was very demanding and it was easier to stop worrying about what other people around her may think, when all she was doing was nourishing her daughter.

They ate their ice cream, the girls talking about the things they did in preschool, since they went to the same preschool a year apart, while Elizabeth nursed Charlotte.

She asked the girls if they would rather go feed the ducks or go home and watch a movie. It was already past five and Matt had told her he might finish his work by six but he hadn't texted her yet, and Jay had also told her that Voight was probably going to be picking up Lilith at the same time.

They decided to go home, fatigue finally kicking in from the exciting day they had spent outdoors. Elizabeth knew they probably wouldn't see more than half the movie before falling asleep.

And she had been right. It was half-past seven and she was watching Moana while the three little girls slept. Matt had sent her a message saying that he would be late but that he was on his way. She hadn't received anything from Jay or Voight so she decided to text Jay since she didn't have Hank's number.

She had only managed to type half the text, when she heard a knock on the door. She got up from the couch, checking that the girls were still asleep, and walked to the door opening it thinking that it might be one of the girls' fathers.

But that wasn't the case. She stood there astonished when she saw who was on the other side of the door, her mouth struggling to find words.

"Gabby? What are you doing here?" asked a voice that wasn't Elizabeth's from the stairs.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hii! Here's chapter 3! This is one of the chapters I was so excited to get to when I started writing and it was one of those that were so easy to write but then when I finished it I wasn't entirely sure if it was good enough, but then my beta added the missing things and now it's ready for you to read!
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!

**Chapter 3:**

_**"One step closer** _

_**Closer to the light** _

_**No matter where we're going** _

_**I'll be by your side"** _

**Saturday, June 13. 7:40 P.M.**

Matt entered the building with a sigh. The day had been hard and he couldn't wait to see his daughter, hold her in his arms, and hug her.

He finished his construction job later than he anticipated, probably because his focus was elsewhere and his distracted mind meant he worked a lot slower than he was used to. Since Elizabeth had told him that she too had been unable to contact Gabby, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about her.

He had tried to call her dozens of times, but she never answered. He had also sent a text to Antonio for good measure but had not yet received a reply from his ex-brother-in-law either.

If he still didn't have answers by Monday he would go to headquarters and ask Officer Hatcher directly, and if he didn't get anything he would go straight to Puerto Rico.

He couldn't stop replaying in his head their last conversation, couldn't stop thinking of all the reasons why Gabby wouldn't answer, couldn't stop praying that it was something along the likes of Gabby having lost her phone or that the place she was at wasn't getting any reception.

He couldn't stop blaming himself. If only he hadn't hesitated so much and had gone with her from the beginning like she had asked, none of this would be happening. They would still be together and he wouldn't have to be thinking of ways to tell his daughter that she wouldn't be able to talk to her mother today either and he wouldn't have to be thinking about the possibility of never seeing Gabby again.

Matt forced himself to stop thinking so cynically when he was about to arrive at Elizabeth's apartment. He didn't want Grace to notice that he was worried. Her daughter had been sad enough about not being able to talk to her mother for so long, and she was very intuitive, often able to pick up on Matt's concerns and tensions.

As he walked up the last few steps he looked up, stopping when he saw someone standing in the doorway of Elizabeth's apartment. Though the woman in front of him had her back to him, Matt recognized her. He would have recognized that silhouette anywhere, even now in the dimly lit hallway.

He couldn't believe what he was seeing, but when the apartment door opened and the light hit him, he reacted.

"Gabby? What are you doing here?" His voice came out before he could think. So many emotions went through his body in that second, all his worry, all his anger, all disappeared leaving only the feeling of relief.

He really shouldn't have been standing so close to a staircase at that moment.

Elizabeth and Gabby looked at him with equal surprise, Elizabeth walking out more into the hallway and leaving the door half-closed behind her.

"Matt…" Gabby started. The former paramedic had been thinking for months about what to say to her ex-husband when she first saw him again, and now, it seemed as though she had forgotten every rehearsed word. "I-I went to your apartment but no one was there so I thought I could stay with Ellie until I could find you," she said with uncertainty, an awkward and shy way about her, in a manner he never thought he would hear Gabby speak or behave in.

Now that he looked at her, he could see that she was carrying a suitcase and a backpack which was at her feet. She was dressed in black tights and a black padded parka jacket, which seemed like a lot, even though the night had turned cold.

He could notice the tiredness in Gabby's body and his first instinct was to get closer to her, but as soon as he took a step he saw her take a step backwards as if surprised.

"You could have called me Gabby, I could have picked you up at the airport. How long have you been here?" He had so many questions running through his mind at that moment that he wanted answered. He was so grateful that she was okay, but at the same time, he wondered why she hadn't returned any of his calls for so long if she had been okay all along.

"I arrived today, sorry I didn't call, I lost my phone and you had changed your number and I didn't remember-" she started rambling before Elizabeth interrupted her.

"Sorry, guys, but you seem to have a lot to talk about," Elizabeth began, feeling the thick tension in the air. "Why don't you go home and talk? Grace can stay with me until tomorrow, it's no problem."

"Grace is here?" Gabby asked. She had missed her little girl so much. Her heart would break every time she had to tell her that she still couldn't come back. If she had been able to, she would have come back months ago.

"She is, she's sleeping," Elizabeth smiled. Grace was going to be so happy when she saw her mother, but she knew that Matt and Gabby needed to talk first. "She's going to be so happy when she sees you tomorrow, and I'm so happy to see you too. You had us worried there for a moment," she said, wrapping Gabby in a hug that the former paramedic returned, Elizabeth feeling Gabby physically relax in her embrace.

"It's gonna be fine," she whispered in Gabby's ear. She already knew this was going to be a long night for the former couple.

Matt felt that there was something the two women in front of him weren't telling him. Why couldn't they take their daughter home? It's true, they had things to talk about. But Gabby was finally here in Chicago, finally _home._ He was sure the things they had to talk about could wait a day.

He approached them and was about to say something when he saw it and froze. There was something in the way that prevented Elizabeth from hugging Gabby properly and it looked very much like a pregnant belly.

Gabby broke away from the hug and grabbed the handle of the suitcase, turning around and facing Matt for the first time since she had arrived. From his face, she could tell that Matt had already noticed her belly. She would have liked to hide it at least until they were in his apartment. But there was no hiding it. Being already 30 weeks along, she was huge.

"Can you carry my backpack?" She asked quietly, bringing him out of his stupor. She had tried to bring most of her stuff in just a suitcase and a backpack, knowing that in her condition she couldn't carry heavy things. She thanked him as he bent down to grab it.

Matt felt like he was in autopilot as he walked all the way from the elevator to his truck. After selling Gabriela's car, he decided to buy a double-cab truck to replace his own so that he would be able to fit Grace's booster seat.

He felt like he was dreaming as he watched Gabby get into his truck while he loaded her things in the back seat. Once he closed the car door, he sighed.

Gabby was in Chicago.

Gabby was pregnant.

He had to be dreaming.

All the relief he had felt when he had seen her had been replaced by confusion.

If he did the math right, Gabby was probably about seven months along. She had had seven months to tell him, so why now? It was better than ever but they had talked in those months. Well, _she_ had talked to _Grace._ But if she had something as important as being pregnant to tell him, why didn't she? Why did she wait this long?

He had so many questions that he could sense an impending headache. As he walked to his side of the car, he couldn't help but think that this was what had pushed them apart. Her wanting to get pregnant in the first place had been the trigger for the breakdown of their relationship.

And suddenly, his body filled with dread as his thoughts shifted to the aneurysm and all the fears he had had two years ago came rushing back.

He opened the door and got into the car. As he put on his seat belt, he avoided Gabby's gaze.

"Matt," Gabby started, resting her hand on his arm that was on the gearshift. He stood still, looking straight ahead, listening to her. "I swear I didn't want you to find out like this."

Matt scoffed as he took his hand off the gearshift, at the same time removing his arm from Gabby's hand and starting to drive.

His response stated that they weren't going to talk until they got home and that it wasn't going to be that amicable conversation she had imagined them having.

The drive home felt like the longest one of her life. Gabby looked up at the building when Matt slowed down in front of it. Matt and Grace had to move after the fire to their apartment. She had been in this new apartment the last time she had visited Chicago. It had three bedrooms, one of which was used as a gym/guest room, where she was supposed to sleep, two bathrooms, and a studio.

She had been sad when Matt told her that among the things he hadn't been able to recover were the small collection of photos Grace loved to look at and hear the stories of.

She got out of the truck at the same time that Matt was lowering her bags, not giving her time to grab any of them, and starting to walk in front of her to the door of the building.

He waited with the door open for her to walk in, entering and closing the door behind him as she called the elevator.

She sighed as she placed one hand on her waist and the other caressed her belly, her back was killing her, she needed to sit down as soon as they entered the apartment.

She hadn't realized what she was doing until the elevator arrived and the doors opened letting her see Matt's gaze directed at her abdomen through the mirror.

The elevator ride was quiet, both of them lost in thought.

When they arrived, Matt opened the door and walked in, leaving her luggage by the door and closing it once Gabby got in, going straight to the couch.

As she discarded her jacket and sat on the couch, Gabby couldn't see Matt, who had stayed in the entrance. They were silent for a few minutes.

"Seven months," Matt began, his voice low and shaking slightly with quiet rage. His tone startled her a little; the apartment wasn't big so his voice was clear as he walked over to her. "You had seven months to tell me you were pregnant, seven months in which your daughter begged you to come back." He stood in front of her. Gabby had seen Matt this angry before. But before, his anger had never been directed at her. "You disappear for a month and then you show up here, out of nowhere. What are you doing, Gabby?"

He didn't want to be this angry, Gabby was pregnant, it was supposed to be something that would make them happy. Why didn't she tell him? He had been opposed to it when Gabby decided she wanted to get pregnant despite the risks, but that didn't mean that if she did get pregnant he would leave her on her own.

Gabby looked at him from where she was sitting. He had every right to be angry, but she needed to tell him everything that happened. Nothing she had planned went as she expected. Ideally, she would have wanted to be in Chicago from the moment she found out about this baby, she would have wanted to experience her entire pregnancy with Matt. But nothing about her circumstances or situation had been ideal.

"Matt, I promise you that if it were right… if I were able to… I would have come back as soon as I found out," She began, looking at him in the eyes, trying to keep her emotions at bay at least until she finished telling him what had happened. "From the beginning, I didn't find out under the best circumstances. Two months after I returned, we had a rescue. It was an old house and part of it had already collapsed but there were still people inside. We didn't know how many, so they sent me and one of my partners in because we were both physically small and we could get in and out easily."

She paused, wincing slightly as she felt the baby kick exactly where it hurt the most. As she did, Matt decided to sit on the coffee table in front of where Gabby was.

"We went in and were told not to go too far in because it was dangerous, but there were more people than we thought. My partner stayed near the exit to help people out while I went in a little further to check that no one was left behind." She closed her eyes for a minute, trying to prevent her mind from taking her back to that terrifying moment. "There was a tremor. I still don't know if it was the house or an aftershock… I tried to get to the exit but I wasn't the only one trying to leave." She was relieved that she didn't remember anything after that, she wouldn't know if she would be able to live with herself if she had woken up at that moment. "After that, I only remember the pain I woke up in two days later in the hospital."

Finally, she decided to look at Matt. He no longer had that angry look, he was pensive, probably trying to remember something strange in that month's calls that might have indicated to what she was currently telling him. He vaguely remembered those three days in which Gabby hadn't answered and the message that he received on the third day telling him what he now knew was a lie about why she hadn't been answering.

Her voice trembled when she started talking once she knew Matt wasn't going to say anything. "The collapse had been chaotic. Many people hadn't left the house yet and we had all piled up at the exit, it was a disaster. When they started to take us out they thought no one had survived but when they found me they said I was still awake, I had been caught between two bodies so most of the damage had been from the waist down." She indicated with her hand from where now under her clothes a scar adorned her skin and downward. She was silent for a few seconds trying to form her next words.

"You told me that you had only broken your ankle," Matt said with a scowl. Obviously, she had also lied about the way she had broken it. His anger quickly dissolved though, once the severity of the situation hit him, his scowl quickly replaced by a pained look. Gabby was in pain, suffering and she had been all alone through it. A sickening feeling spread through him as Gabby's story brought back painful memories of the time she had been trapped in the collapse at the parking garage on the day of his promotion. Matt had almost lost her forever that day, and the idea that Gabby went through something similar again but was all by herself this time… the thought was too painful to even bear. He could have lost her again forever during the collapse of that house, and he would have been none the wiser. As he was deep in thought, Gabby began to speak again.

"I did have a broken ankle and a piece of wood had lodged into my right side. When they were operating they realized that it had only perforated my appendix, it wasn't something to worry about, but as they were operating my aneurysm ruptured, that's how I had found out I was pregnant." She said carefully, she knew how scared Matt had been when they had found out about the aneurysm and she could only imagine the thoughts that were going through his head now.

"They were able to fix it quickly since it was in sight, they had to do blood transfusions but I don't even remember how many," She kept her tone light, nonchalant almost in an attempt to cut through the tension in the air as she prepared for Matt to speak.

She felt a little lost about where they were standing in terms of their relationship. The last time she had been in Chicago it hadn't seemed like anything had changed between them. They hadn't talked about their divorce, or their fight before she left to Puerto Rico, they had focused on Grace's happiness and for that week everything had been as it was before she had left, including in the bedroom.

The plan had been for them to wait for Grace to fall asleep and then Gabby would go to sleep in the guest room and Matt in his room, but she was sure that in that week she hadn't spent a single night in that room.

Slowly she grabbed Matt's hand and placed it on her stomach, she could feel her baby move from the moment she sat down, the baby probably feeling her mother's nerves, and she knew that at any moment Matt would feel one of its kicks.

She leaned back on the couch, caressing Casey's hand with her fingers. "They told me that it had been a miracle that the baby had survived the operation, but they still had no hope that it would survive because of the trauma that my body had suffered." Matt let out a small gasp when at the same time she finished talking, the baby decided to greet his dad with a kick.

Their eyes connected at that moment and she smiled at him with watery eyes. Matt was looking at her the same way he had looked at her that night at Molly's when she had told him she was pregnant, his eyes wide with wonder and astonishment.

"After they told me the circumstances of my pregnancy… about how there was a next to zero chance the baby would survive... I guess I couldn't let you suffer the same pain we'd already been through, but at the same time I wanted to show them that our baby and I were stronger than they thought, so I stayed on bed rest until they told me we were in the clear."

Matt processed her words, moving his other hand to join the one on her belly, intertwining their fingers at the same time, her touch calming the building anxiety within him significantly.

"They did ultrasounds almost every day and they always told me that I shouldn't get my hopes up, that everything could change at any time, but I held on to the good things they told me, the baby was well-positioned, growing and had the most beautiful heartbeat I had ever heard." Matt let out a small wet laugh at the thought of Gabby listening to the baby… _their_ baby's heartbeat, making her laugh too. "I recorded it thinking that maybe you wouldn't get to hear it, I didn't know how long they were going to keep me in the hospital, I was afraid they wouldn't release me until the baby was born, but when I got to the second trimester they decided I could go home, but I still couldn't work, or stand for long, and I couldn't fly. You have to believe I wanted to tell you more than anything Matt, but I knew it had to be said in person, this wasn't exactly a conversation we could have had over the phone. And all the time I knew for the sake of the baby's health, I couldn't come to you until it was safe to travel. "

"You could have told me then, you should have told me when you found out regardless of all that. It didn't matter… all that stuff Gabby would have been irrelevant. You didn't need to spare my feelings, I would have been there for you. You've been going through all this alone when I could have been with you from the beginning." He saw that she was going to apologize. "But I'm not angry, I mean, it upsets me that you went through all that alone but I'm happy and relieved that you're here, safe and sound, both of you. All that matters, all that's ever mattered is your health." He smiled as he looked at their hands intertwined over Gabby's stomach, giving her protruding belly a light squeeze. Every once in a while he could feel the baby's movements, his baby, he and Gabby were going to have a baby, another one. God Grace was going to be so happy.

They were silent for a few seconds, just feeling their baby's movements until Gabby resumed her story. "I spent the last three and a half months in bed, only leaving every two weeks when I had to go to the hospital. I stayed with Sonia, a nurse who worked at the hospital I had been in. She was an older lady, when she heard that when I would leave I was going to stay in my tent she immediately offered me a free room that she had at her house. She lived with her granddaughter, Sarah, who was 16 years old. You can imagine how difficult it was for me to stay still for three months but they made it easier." Staying with them had made her situation a little better. She was never alone, Sarah would distract her from the pain by playing board games or watching soap operas in the afternoon, and Sonia would often have tea with her and listen to her talk in the nights when after talking to Grace she would feel desperate to get back to her family.

"The last time we spoke I was going to tell you that I was coming back, the doctors had finally told me that the baby was safe and they knew how desperate I was to come back so they gave me the green light to fly, but after we talked, well, after everything you said, I started to have second thoughts." Matt looked up at her quickly when she mentioned their last conversation. Now that he knew what Gabby had been through he felt so guilty about everything he had said. "I started to think that maybe you wouldn't be as happy with the news as I was, that maybe there was another reason other than my aneurysm that made you so reluctant to having a baby, or maybe in these months you had met someone, and me coming back would only complicate things."

Matt felt guilt start eating away at him as he listened to Gabby talk. His words, though they were meaningless and uttered in the heat of the moment, had done this to her. She had stayed away, reluctant to come home, and doubted everything they had built in their years together because of the words he had thrown at her.

"Gabby… I'm sorry. I am so, _so_ sorry. Nothing excuses the things I said, but I was so angry… Grace and I hadn't had the best months and now I know you hadn't either, and if only I had known, all that could have been avoided."

When Matt saw her lower lip trembling, he stood up from the table and sat down next to her, put his arm behind her head while his other hand rested intertwined with hers on her belly.

Matt's arms wrapping around her was all it took for Gabby's walls to crumble, as she broke down burying her face in the space between his neck and his shoulder.

Right there she felt at home and she had missed it so much.

For seven months all she had wanted was to come back to the only place she felt at home, and now she was and she felt so relieved.

Matt let her cry on his chest. He stroked her back as he tried to sort out his thoughts. He still thought he was dreaming, this was what they had always wanted and at the same time the reason why she had left, but the sound of her sobs confirmed that she was really here. They were probably going to have to talk about their relationship at some point, but he knew it wouldn't happen this very night. Now he just wanted to feel the happiness of having Gabby there with him, pregnant with his baby.

"You coming back is never going to complicate things, I am so happy you are here and Grace is going to be over the moon when she sees you, she has missed you so much, we both have," He said against her hair. It had been so hard to try to get over Gabby, he wasn't going to lie and tell her he hadn't slept with anyone in the time she was gone, but he was relieved that Gabby's return could mean he no longer had to try to get over her.

They were silent for a few minutes, just enjoying being in each other's arms.

"I spent some more time debating whether or not to come back, but I came to the conclusion that whatever the state of our relationship was, we were going to have a baby together and you deserved to know, besides the fact that we already have a daughter and I know she needs me here." Gabby resumed her story, still huddled up against Matt. "A friend of mine was keeping the things I had in my tent that I couldn't pick up after the accident and when we were moving the things from his house to Sonia's, I lost my cell phone. I bought a new one but you had changed your cell phone recently so I still hadn't memorized your number. I'm sorry I worried you, I didn't think it would take so long but there was a lot of paperwork for me to get back."

"It's okay, you're here now, you're okay," He said, breathing in her scent. God, he had missed her so much. He let out a chuckle as the realization of what Gabby had told him hit him again. "We're going to have a baby!" A wide smile settling on his face as he caressed Gabby's tummy where the baby had stopped moving a few minutes ago.

Gabby couldn't help but giggle too, "We are! I have an appointment in two weeks for the ultrasound, it will be the second last one before the birth. If you want we can find out the sex, I didn't want to do it without you." She felt so bad that Matt had missed a big part of the pregnancy, but she felt better knowing that he was going to be there for the best part, and she had kept every scan photograph, recorded every heartbeat for him.

"I'm going to think about it but I suppose it's a good idea for it to be a surprise." He smiled, pulling away from Gabby and getting up from the couch. It must have been past nine o'clock and now that he had relaxed a little, he could feel that he was hungry and he was sure that Gabby hadn't had dinner either. "It's pretty late, so how about I make a quick dinner, we go to sleep, and tomorrow morning we go pick up Grace?" He slyly ended the conversation. They still had a lot to talk about but he needed to come to terms with everything Gabby had said today.

Gabby nodded. "Do you have any preference for food now? Something you can't eat?" He asked, walking to the kitchen that was on the right side of the living room.

"Not really, I haven't been drinking coffee and since the fifth month I can't even smell fish, but other than that I can eat everything." She answered, making her way to where Matt had left her bags.

"How about some spaghetti with sauce? I only have Marinara sauce because that's the only way Grace has been eating spaghetti lately." He asked from the kitchen as he looked through the cabinets.

"Sure, after dinner can you take my backpack to the guest room?" She asked him, carrying her suitcase to the room next to the kitchen.

He turned around when he heard the wheels of the suitcase against the wooden floor. "No, no, you can stay in my room, the bed is more comfortable and bigger, I will stay in the guest room." He said while filling a pot with water and placing it on the cooktop.

She stood in the middle of the kitchen. "I can sleep in the guest room, at least until-."

"It'll be easier that way, you won't have to move after Grace falls asleep." He interrupted her.

"She still doesn't know?" Gabby asked, surprised, leaving the suitcase aside and sitting on one of the dinner table chairs.

"I thought we decided we would tell her together?" Matt replied, leaning his back on the counter, facing Gabby. "Besides, I think it's better that we didn't tell her."

"So if it wasn't for Grace, what was it for? You were so desperate to divorce, for what? So you could date other women without feeling guilty?" Gabby let out suddenly angry, surprising even herself at the rage that suddenly filled her. "Now we have to explain to our daughter what it means that her parents are divorced and that she is going to have a sibling, so no, I don't think it was better that you didn't tell her, especially when you were the one who decided divorce was the only option in the first place."

"I wasn't desperate to get divorced, I don't know if you noticed, but I sent the papers unsigned and you returned them to me signed. At no time did you tell me that that was not what you wanted." Matt countered. He had no idea that Gabby thought that that had been the reason he had sent her the papers.

"What was I supposed to tell you? I don't know what message you wanted to send, but sending divorce papers usually means that you want a divorce." What was Matt saying? He sent the divorce papers but didn't actually want a divorce? This was all so confusing. What had he expected her to do? "I didn't want us to get divorced, but if that's what you wanted, I wasn't going to keep you tied to something you didn't want."

"I didn't want to," Matt confessed, continuing to cook to avoid looking her in the eye. What he was about to tell her wasn't something he was proud of. "I didn't know where we were standing regarding our relationship and I may have asked some people for advice but I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to do that. I guess sending those papers was a test… to see if you were willing to fight for our marriage... If being with me was still something you wanted. I thought you had left because that was easier than sticking around to end things and I needed to know where we stood. Sending them unsigned was my way of saying the ball was in your court."

"Are you telling me that if it wasn't for some advice, which I'm sure was from one of the women you slept with, we would still be married?" Gabby asked in disbelief. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Matt had sent her the papers thinking it was what she wanted. She had signed them because she had thought it was what _he_ wanted.

They were silent for a few seconds, Gabby watching Matt's back as he stirred the spaghetti. Suddenly she saw Matt's shoulders shake and realized he was laughing which caused her to also let out a giggle that caused the two of them to explode in laughter, as realization hit them both to the misunderstanding that had occurred.

They laughed for a while until Gabby had to stop when she felt she was going to pee, her bladder already weakened during her pregnancy. "Oh my God, we really got divorced because one believed the other wanted to when in fact neither of us wanted to."

"I think that gives us a clue as to how much we have to work on our communication," he smiled at her as he put the plate of spaghetti in front of her and sat down with his.

"And we will," She said, reaching to hold his hand on top of the table. "I promise I won't leave the way I did, we have to talk, I won't make the same mistake that broke us up a year ago."

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. "And I promise to listen to you. This baby gave us a new chance to be a family again and we're not going to waste it."

They smiled at each other, both thankful that Gabby was finally back, and where she belonged: at home.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

_**"I like to think that we had it all** _

_**We drew a map to a better place** _

_**But on that road I took a fall** _

_**Oh, baby, why did you run away?"** _

**Saturday, June 13. 10:36 P.M.**

"Hey, Jay, sorry to disturb your Saturday night." Elizabeth apologized with a smile as she opened her apartment door and let Jay in.

"You didn't disturb anything, just the interesting conversation I was having with my beer at Molly's," he commented with a smirk. "And what is this baby still doing awake?" He asked, his voice changing in tone as he headed towards Charlotte, who was standing holding on to the coffee table.

The infant let out a shriek and started kicking her legs in happiness as she was lifted by Jay who kissed her cheek repeatedly as he held her against his chest.

"It seems that having the girls here excited her and now she doesn't want to go to sleep," Elizabeth told him. "Would you like a drink?"

"No, thank you, I'm okay." He responded, leaving Charlotte on the floor and sitting on the couch. "The girls are sleeping?" He saw Elizabeth nod as she sat beside him. "I don't know how you did it, Lilith becomes impossible when you change her plans, I was expecting to walk in on one of her tantrums."

Since Erin had left, and since Alvin's death, Lilith had developed a habit of having to talk to her father before going to sleep when she wasn't with him to make him promise that she would see him the next day.

"There were tears but I think seeing that Grace was calm helped to keep her from throwing a tantrum." Grace had been able to talk to Matt so that made it easier for her to go to sleep. "Were you able to talk to Voight?"

"No, I've been calling him since I got your message," Jay said, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket and seeing that he had no message from the girl's father. "When we left the courthouse he said he was coming to get her, I don't know what happened. I'm going to text Hailey to see if she can go to the district to track his phone."

"I can stay with Lilith if you need me to." Elizabeth offered, standing up and lifting Charlotte who had started yawning and rubbing her eyes.

"No, I want her to stay with me, if we change her routine too much she's going to realize that something is going on," he said, watching as Elizabeth started to peace around the living room trying to get Charlotte to fall asleep.

"She's going to realize that something is going on anyway if you don't tell her anything, she's pretty smart, Jay."

As she rocked Charlotte, she noticed the worried look on Jay's face as he looked at his phone. "Do you really think something happened? Maybe he had to do something and his cell phone ran out of battery.

"The last thing he said to me was that he was coming to get Lilith, if anything had come up later he would have called me," Jay replied, warily running a hand over his face. "The last time he didn't answer his phone was the time he had been kidnapped with his daughter-in-law."

"Is that a possibility? Did you work on any cases of someone who could do this?"

"Voight has many enemies, it could be practically anyone." He ran his hand across his face trying to remember something. "It's why he made sure Lilith had guardians, in case something like this ever happened… he didn't want to leave his kid all alone with no one to advocate for her."

They stayed silent for a few seconds, Elizabeth watching Charlotte's eyes drooping shut as she fell asleep. She walked to her room where Lilith and Grace were sleeping and laid Charlotte down in her bassinet which was beside her bedside. She watched to check if her baby stayed asleep, before checking on the girls and finally returning to the living room.

Jay was still sitting on the couch when she returned, the worry and anxiety noticeable on his face. He was struggling with dealing with the uncertainty behind Voight's disappearance and knowing Jay as well as she did, she knew he was taking this burden on alone. Elizabeth bit her lip, struggling with her thoughts, unsure of how Jay would react to what she had to say, before she opened her mouth and released her tongue, saying what she wanted to say anyway.

"Do you think you should call her?" She asked Jay as she started to pick up Charlotte's toys.

"Who?" He asked by pretending not to know what she was talking about.

Elizabeth looked at him annoyed. "You _know_ who I'm talking about. Erin. Do you think you should call her?"

Simply hearing his former love's name being said out loud had Jay's breath catch in his throat, a deeply unsettling feeling filling his chest and having his mind automatically switch to defense mode.

"Why would I think of calling her?" He snapped, not understanding why he would have to or why his friend would be bringing her up.

" _Maybe,_ " she answered as if it were obvious, "because she is Lilith's guardian," her voice remaining calm despite seeing Jay getting all worked up.

"Well, I'm _also_ her guardian. You know, the one who has actually been with her for the last three years. If we didn't need her then, why would we need her now?" He asked, now slightly offended.

"You didn't need her? God, Jay are you delusional? Did I dream of having to drag you out of bars because you didn't want to go back to your apartment to sleep alone?" She argued. She had had to do that for two months, praying that he wouldn't go back to the same habits he had had when he returned from Afghanistan.

Jay winced slightly at the memories Elizabeth's words were dredging up. The first few months without Erin had been rough. Hell, it had been… well, _hell_. But he slowly began moving on. As painful as it was, he _had_.

"I needed her then and she wasn't there, so I got over it, I don't need her anymore," he had overcome enough, been through enough, to make Erin become part of his past, or so he liked to think.

"Okay, let's say that's true, _you_ may not need her, but Lilith does."

He was going to reply but she interrupted him.

"She told me she had to be with her father tomorrow because it was Sunday and Sundays are the days they call Erin."

He looked at her puzzled. "Wait, what? Voight told me he didn't talk to her."

"And why would Lilith have a notebook in which she writes down everything she has to tell her if she didn't talk to her?"

"I don't know! Voight told me they didn't talk so I figured she was writing down what she was going to tell her when she saw her."

Elizabeth was about to say something when she heard small steps and the door to her room open.

"Hey, Lil, look who's here," she said when she saw Lilith appear in the hallway.

"Jay!" She exclaimed, running into his open arms and clinging to his neck. "Are we going to see papa?" She asked sitting on his lap, resting her whole body against his chest.

"I don't think so, bug. Your dad has a big case and he's going to be busy." He said, caressing her back.

She was wearing a T-shirt which he was sure was Elizabeth's, the oversized material having been rolled at the sleeves for the young girl to make it fit, the hem just about reaching the floor. It made the child look younger, highlighting her innocence.

"And why aren't you with him?" She asked, looking up at him.

"Because he ordered me to take this little bug home." He smiled at her, tapping her nose playfully on the word 'this', hoping she would believe him.

"Then we can call him when we are at home." She concluded, that's what they would normally do.

Jay looked to Elizabeth for help, this was going to be harder than he thought. Elizabeth shook her head. "Lil, why don't you pack your stuff in your backpack so you and Jay can go home before it's too late?"

"Okay," She got off Jay's lap and started walking to the dining table where her things were.

"What am I going to tell her?" Jay whispered, standing close to her.

"If you're lucky, she's going to fall asleep in the car, but if she doesn't, you have two options. You can either tell her the truth which will probably cause a breakdown or call Voight and then he won't answer which will cause a tantrum," she whispered quickly.

"Is there a way in which I can avoid the tears?" He asked, almost desperate. He knew the answer before he posed the question, but he asked anyway. Before Elizabeth could reply, Lilith returned.

"Jay, I have to put on my shorts before we leave," Lilith said standing in front of him and extending the jean shorts to him, having changed out of Elizabeth's shirt and was now in her own top.

"It's a little cold outside, did you bring a jacket?" Jay asked as he helped her put on her shorts.

"No, papa said he was going to bring it," she answered, as she grabbed her backpack from the table.

"Well, then we're going to have to run to the car." He said, picking her up and holding her to his hip, "I think I might have one of your jackets in there."

Elizabeth laughed silently as they walked to the door. "I think she can walk down two floors, she's a big girl, aren't you, Lil?" She teased, knowing how sensitive Jay got about how big Lilith was getting.

Lilith giggled as she buried her face in Jay's neck. "Don't listen to her, bug, you're still the perfect size for me to still carry you." He whispered as he tickled her, causing her to squirm and giggle in his arms. "Did you thank Elizabeth for taking care of you?"

"Thank you, Ellie," she said, her head still buried in Jay's neck.

"It was a pleasure, Lil. See you soon," Elizabeth smiled as she rubbed Lilith's back. "Call me for anything, okay?" She told Jay.

"Yeah, thank you, Ellie," He waved goodbye with his free hand and headed down the stairs.

He adjusted Lilith in her booster seat in the back of his RAM while she told him what they had done that afternoon. It was almost midnight and she didn't seem to be sleepy, any hope of her falling asleep in the car disappearing with every second he drove.

As he drove, he was tempted to turn around and go straight to the district, but he knew it would be better to deal with Lilith at his apartment, so he hoped that tomorrow Hailey would have good news.

_"INCOMING CALL FROM HAILEY UPTON"_

He pressed the answer button on the screen of his truck. "Hailey, little ears here, you're on speaker." He said before Hailey had a chance to speak; a warning that Lilith was with him.

"We tracked his cell phone, we sent a patrol car and they found it inside his car. There's no sign of where he might be, Jay." Hailey informed him, avoiding saying who they were talking about.

He sighed when he heard the confirmation that Hank Voight was indeed missing. "His car is still outside the courthouse?"

"No, we found it around the corner from 1601 South Michigan."

That was the address of Elizabeth's building. That meant that someone had been following him. He looked in the rearview mirror at Lilith who was looking out the window and thanked whatever was up there that she hadn't been with him when whatever happened, happened.

"Okay, thanks, Hailey. We'll keep this within the unit, for now, tomorrow I don't know if I'll be able to go but keep me posted on anything."

"Okay, -"

"Hailey, is my dad with you?" Lilith jumped from the backseat.

Hailey was silent for a few seconds. "No, Lilith, he must be questioning a suspect."

"Okay, thank you, bye," Lilith said, ending the conversation.

Hailey laughed on the other side of the line. "Bye Lilith, bye Jay." The call disconnected.

The rest of the drive went by quietly. Jay thought of a thousand and one ways to tell Lilith what was happening and concluded that no matter how he told her, he wasn't going to avoid the meltdown Lilith was going to have when she found out her father was missing.

They arrived at his building, Jay had moved out a few months after Erin left, his old apartment had become too small for him, Will, and Lilith who stayed over a few nights. After Will moved out, he turned his room into a guest room where Lilith was supposed to sleep.

When he got Lilith out of the car he noticed how unusually quiet she was. They walked up to his apartment in silence, Lilith walking instead of in Jay's arms as she normally would.

When they entered the apartment Lilith took off her sneakers leaving them in a neat, straight line next to his and walking to the living room. She already sensed that something was wrong, normally her father would have already called to tell her he had a case and if it was such a big case like Jay had said, he wouldn't be here and would have left her with Ellie.

"Did someone die?" She asked when Jay sat down with her on the couch.

That question took him by surprise, his eyes widening in shock slightly at the bluntness of the little girl's question. "No, Lil, no one died-"

"Then why can't I talk to papa?" She asked, now a little upset, her lip jutting out and trembling a little.

He took a deep breath, sinking to his knees so that he was at eye level with her. "Lilith, do you remember a few months ago when I was in the hospital?" He raised her head slightly, lifting her chin with his finger, and made her look at him. He needed to stay calm, show her that everything was fine, and demonstrate that even though Hank was missing, he could still appear alive just like he had.

According to Hailey, Lilith had been inconsolable when she had realized that they were looking for Jay, the child having been around intelligence long enough to know that when your name was on the board, it didn't mean anything good.

After they found him, she had stayed in the waiting room with Hailey waiting for him to come out of surgery, crying as soon as she saw that Jay was okay.

She nodded. "Bad people kidnapped you and hurt you a lot."

"Yes, but I got better, didn't I? After a few days I was back in the district." She nodded again. "Well, we think someone has your dad, but we're looking for him and we're going to find him." He said slowly, watching her face closely to see her reaction.

Lilith remained silent looking at her lap. Jay stroked her back, making her look at him. Her brown eyes were wet but she was trying not to cry. "Okay," She said.

"Okay?" Jay asked surprised, he had been preparing himself for tears and screams.

"Yes, you're going to find him, like you finded Hailey and Kim and when you were kidnapped and the unit finded you," she explained quietly.

Jay remained silent. He knew he should explain to her that it wasn't that easy, that even though he and his partners had been lucky to be found, it wasn't always that way. But he couldn't. Lilith needed to have hope that her father would be found safe and sound because it gave him hope too.

Lilith was hopeful but she was also smart and had spent enough time in the district to know what could happen. Her father had explained to her what it meant to be kidnapped and she had also heard what happened to other people who were kidnapped.

"We will find him, and while we look for him you will stay with me, okay?"

"Yes, papa told me that if he wasn't here I had to stay with you and Erin." Hank knew his job was dangerous and that the way he did it made it even more so, so he had explained to Lilith what would happen if he wasn't with her at some point.

Jay's heart clenched at the mention of Erin for the second time that night, but this time coming out of the mouth of a hopeful and worried little girl who depended on him in this moment to take care of her and make everything okay. As long as Hank was missing, she was his responsibility, and his alone, for as long as Erin stayed in New York.

"But Erin is in New York so you're going to stay just with me." He said with a smile. It had been a while since he had talked about Erin with Lilith, or with anyone at all for that matter.

"On Sundays papa and I call her, maybe tomorrow you can call her?" Lilith asked innocently.

She had been a year old when Erin had left so obviously she didn't remember the relationship she and Jay had had, but she had seen pictures so she knew they had been friends.

"Maybe, we'll see. Wow, it's way past your bedtime, bug." He said when he caught a glimpse of the clock on the wall.

"I'm not sleepy, can I stay with you?" She asked, climbing into his lap and resting her head on his shoulder.

Despite all the times Lilith had stayed with him he was sure he could count on one hand the times she had slept in the guest room.

She slept well in her own room so Jay tried lots of things to get her to sleep alone in his apartment, bring some of her stuffed animals, buy her a night lamp, tell her a story and stay until she fell asleep, move her from bed once she fell asleep, but only a few times did anything work for a short time before Lilith was sneaking into his bed in the middle of the night again.

Right now, he didn't have the energy to make her try to sleep alone and with everything going on he didn't really care.

"Sure, but we're going to sleep because tomorrow we have to get up early." He said, standing up with her in his arms and heading to the guest room where he kept some of her pajamas.

Once he helped Lilith get into her pajamas, he sent her to brush her teeth while he changed into a t-shirt and sweatpants.

They laid down and immediately Lilith curled up on his right side, Jay pulling the little girl into his embrace and wrapping his arms around her small figure. "Are we going to the district tomorrow?" She asked, looking up at him.

"Yes, we're going to go get some things from your house and then we'll go." He answered, hugging her close to his chest and kissing her forehead. "Now sleep because otherwise tomorrow you won't want to wake up."

She got comfortable. "Goodnight, Jay, I love you."

"I love you too, bug."

Lilith was soon out, but sleep did not come easy for Jay. He went over in his head for anything that might have given him a clue that something like this was going to happen to Hank. They had had some easy cases lately; he didn't remember any that seemed threatening.

Maybe it wasn't someone related to their cases. It wouldn't be the first time that Voight had had problems with some gang, or maybe some mafia?

He also thought of Lilith. He didn't know how long they would be looking so he had to organize everything. She was in preschool from 9 to 3, usually, Hank would take her and pick her up so that wouldn't be a problem for him either.

If there was a case in the middle of the night, Hank would usually leave her with the Mayer's who had twin boys the same age as Lilith, but their mother had recently passed away so Jay would have to avoid nightly cases.

He could leave her with Elizabeth when she wasn't on shift but he didn't want to bother her either and he was sure that if he needed his coworkers would help him too but they were also working on the case, he didn't want to add to them.

He and Erin had taken care of Lilith so many times that when Voight had asked them if they would be her guardians in case of something happening to him, they didn't think twice about accepting. But now he was alone, when he had signed the guardianship, his relationship with Erin had been at its best.

Despite that, he didn't regret it, Lilith was one of the best things in his life and if something were to happen to Voight he wouldn't want her to stay with anyone but him.

They had become a small family; Jay, Erin, Lilith, and Hank. Jay hadn't realized that until after Erin left and he had to empty her desk while listening to a one-year-old Lilith cry because she didn't understand why there was someone else on her sister's desk when he found two pictures.

One was of the four of them on Lilith's first birthday, two months before Erin left. The whole unit had gone to lunch at a restaurant where they had sung Happy Birthday to Lilith for the first time. In the photo they were standing behind the cake, Hank was holding Lilith, looking at her, probably making her look at the camera, Lilith was laughing, probably at Ruzek who he remembered had been behind the camera trying to capture her attention, and Erin and Jay were one on each side of Hank, also laughing, his arm reached from behind and wrapped around his former girlfriend's waist. He smiled as he remembered that day, he still had a picture in his wallet of Lilith covered in cake.

The second photo was of Jay, Erin, and Lilith, Lilith must have been about 6 months old, in the photo. Erin was seated in Jay's lap on the floor, holding her while looking at the camera, Lilith wasn't looking at the camera, she was looking at Erin, just like Jay. Jay had his arms wrapped around both the girls in his life. That photo was what made him turn around to pick up Lilith, he didn't know whether to calm her crying or stop his own. It hadn't been just him who had lost Erin, Lilith had too.

As Elizabeth had said, the months following Erin's departure were hard for him and one of the reasons was the way Lilith acted when he took care of her.

Since Hank had adopted her, Lilith had been used to the fact that if she didn't go home with her father, she would go home with Erin and eventually Jay as well.

When Erin left Lilith was one year and two months old, she knew a set of words, including dad, no, and name variations like 'In' for Erin and 'Ay' for Jay. She had also been walking since she was 8 months old, the young girl quite advanced both physically and intellectually for her age.

The first time Jay had taken care of Lilith after Erin left, the baby had spent half an hour walking around the apartment calling for someone she wasn't going to find to eventually realize her sister was gone and then crying for at least an hour.

Eventually, they both got used to it but now, not even a day had passed since Hank had disappeared and he felt just as lost as he did that first time he had to take care of Lilith without Erin.

The last thing he thought about was Erin. The last time he had asked Hank about her he had told him that she wouldn't answer his texts, but Lilith had told him that they spoke every Sunday. Since when? Why didn't he tell him?

He didn't think he could call her, and even if he could, he didn't think she would answer.

He liked to think that he was over her, that after the way she left him and all the time that passed he didn't love her anymore, but he knew that he was only lying to himself.

Since she had left, he thought over and over again about what could have made her leave the way she did. He didn't think that the time they were taking apart would have been the cause, but he realized that even when they were together, neither was very good at communicating.

They told each other things, she told him about her childhood, about the things Bunny did, about the things she did, good and not so good, and he told her about his childhood, the problems he had with his father, about his time in Afghanistan and more than once she had to wake him up from one of his nightmares.

The problem was when they had to talk about their feelings.

They knew they loved each other, they used to say it whenever they had the chance, particularly at night before they went to sleep, probably where Lilith had taken it from.

It was as if neither of them let the other one in completely, as if they were protecting the other from themselves, and ironically that was what broke them up.

He had been getting better at it. Since his father's death, he had been seeing a therapist who had helped him greatly. He was also going to a veterans' group once a week, which he wouldn't be able to go to now that he had to take care of Lilith.

As he fell asleep he only begged to find Hank Voight, because if they didn't, their lives would take a big turn, and the mere thought of that, of being solely responsible for the upbringing of a little girl who would be totally dependent on him frightened him to his very core.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hii! I hope you enjoyed this one! It's a little view on what's going to happen on the cpd(linstead) side of this story, hopefully y'all like it.
> 
> Thank you for the reviews! They're always welcome, I'm always happy to read what you think!
> 
> That's all for today, see you on the next one!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hii! I hope you enjoyed this one! 
> 
> Don't know why I had such a hard time writing this one but I was so relieved once I finished it. Chapters 6 and 7 are already in the making, next one will be a continuation of this one, and 7 will be Jay centered. 
> 
> I'm very happy about how this fic is evolving and I hope you're liking it too.
> 
> Thank you for reading, see you on the next one!

**Chapter 5:**

**_"But my hope was running low_ **

**_You appeared out of nowhere_ **

**_It was more than an illusion_ **

**_More that I can ever know"_ **

**Sunday, June 14. 9:00 A.M.**

Matt woke up startled by the noises in the kitchen. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, it took him a moment to realize he wasn't in his room and to remember the events of last night. A strange sensation washing over him as he dawned upon the fact that Gabby had returned home to Chicago and was currently here in his apartment.

The noises reemerged, pulling him out of his daze. Gabby was probably making breakfast. He looked at the clock on the bedside table, he would have to go get Grace soon.

It had been hard for him to fall asleep. He had tossed and turned all night, unable to fall into a slumber knowing that Gabby was sleeping just a room away from him. They had been apart for so long, so much was still unsaid between them and all he wanted at that moment was to be with her. 

He knew they were going to have to talk about everything soon. They already knew that neither of them had wanted to divorce, so they could stop acting like divorcees and continue to act like when she had visited Chicago. He knew it wasn't going to be the same, that they had things to talk about, but they loved each other, and even though neither had confirmed it as such and said the words out aloud, he knew that much. 

As he got up, the thought of her thinking he didn't love her anymore bothered him, he was going to make sure she knew he still did, that he always had and always would.

"Good morning," he greeted her as he walked out of the bedroom.

"Hey, good morning," Gabby smiled at him. She was rummaging through the kitchen for all the things she would need to make breakfast. "How did you sleep?"

"I don't know, I spent most of the night thinking, at some point I must have fallen asleep," he answered, leaning his back on the dining table, watching her starting to prepare what appeared to be pancake mix.

"Yeah, the same happened to me… We can switch tonight, tomorrow you have to be on shift and you have to be well-rested." 

"I don't think it will make a difference, I can't really sleep well knowing you're in the other room," he said, hoping she would take the hint.

She stopped what she was doing for a moment. "I'm sure Ellie won't mind if I ask her-"

"No, no, Gabby, that's not what I'm saying," he rushed to say, approaching her. "What I am saying is that it is difficult for me to sleep knowing that you are so close, knowing that I could be sleeping with you," he whispered only for her to hear even though they were alone. He smiled slightly as he caught sight of her swollen belly.

Gabby relaxed at his words, for a minute she thought Matt regretted her being here.

Gabby looked at Matt who was standing next to her against the counter, a flirtatious smile emerging on her lips as their eyes met, her mind processing his words and allowing her to feel joy she hadn’t felt in so long. "That could be arranged…" 

Before he could answer her, his cell phone rang in his pocket. They smiled at each other before Matt looked at the message on his phone, which was Elizabeth telling him that Grace had already woken up.

"It's Elizabeth, I'm going to get dressed and go pick up Grace, are you sure you don't want to come?" He asked while answering the text.

"Yes, it will be better if she sees me when she gets here, you can tell her you have a surprise for her, and I'll be waiting for you two with her favorite breakfast." She was nervous, she knew her daughter would be happy to see her, but she didn't know how she would react to her being pregnant.

When she had been pregnant the first time, Grace had only been 5 months old, and when they had taken Louie in she had just turned two. Gabby didn't know if she remembered having a brother for that short time, or how she would feel now that Gabby had returned after such a long time away and it wouldn’t just be the three of them.

"Hey, you added my number to your phone yesterday, didn't you?" Matt asked, pulling her out of her thoughts as he walked out of his room already dressed. "I'll text you when we're coming back so you can start breakfast." He continued when she nodded.

While looking for his wallet he realized how quiet Gabby had become so before he left he approached her. "Hey," he said slowly, standing in front of her and caressing her arms. "Tell me what's going on in there," he said leaving a soft kiss on her forehead and then tapping her temple gently.

Gabby let out a breath. "It's nothing, I'm just nervous. Thinking about how Grace is going to react made me think of all the people we have to tell." She smiled nervously.

Matt had thought about that too, he assumed that his daughter would be happy. At no time had she asked specifically to have a sibling, but he remembered the happiness with which she had told him that one of her kindergarten classmates had had a little brother.

In the case of their firehouse family, they were going to have questions but he believed that everyone would be happy for them.

Nobody knew the real reason why he and Gabby had separated, days before she left she said goodbye to 51 saying that she was leaving because she had been offered a job in Puerto Rico, which had not been a lie but it hadn't been the whole truth either.

"Everyone will be happy for us, I am sure of that," he assured her. "They may have questions but whether we answer them or not won't affect the fact that they will be happy that we will have something we always wanted." He smiled as his right hand rested on the side of her stomach.

As always Matt knew what to say to make her feel better. 

She smiled when he laughed when the baby kicked where his hand rested.

"I don't think I said hello to you," he said, bending down to be at the same level as her bulging belly. "Can I?" He asked, looking up at her, grabbing the hem of her shirt.

She nodded with a small smile. Seeing Matt lift her shirt and talk to her belly was probably one of the things she dreamed about the most while she was in Puerto Rico.

Once he lifted her shirt, he could appreciate his baby's temporary home. He was fascinated, he had dreamt about this for years.

He caressed the old scar from when they had lost their baby and then the new one from the accident in Puerto Rico. That reminded him of the miracle that it was that Gabby and their baby were there with him, he could have lost them both that day.

He laughed when a kick followed the path of his fingers. "Someone's quite restless."

"You should see him at six in the morning, he must think my bladder is a soccer ball," Gabby commented, seeing Matt press on different spots of her belly to get another kick.

"Him?" Matt asked, looking up at her.

"I don't know, but I have a feeling it might be a boy."

"Mmm, should I trust mommy's feelings? What do you say, baby? Kick here if yes, and here, if no," he asked, pressing on two different spots on her belly.

Gabby laughed. "I think he went to sleep," she said when a moment passed and there was no kick.

"Or _she_ got offended because you guessed the wrong gender," Matt joked, leaving a kiss on her belly, fixing her shirt, and standing up.

When he stood up he was closer to Gabby than before.

She laughed, "We'll see." She looked up at Matt with a smile. "You should go, I want to see my daughter."

Matt smiled looking at her. "She'll be so happy when she sees you," he said, drawing her close by her waist and kissing her forehead, his lips lingering on her forehead for a moment.

He rested his forehead against hers and looked into her eyes. "You know I love you, right?" He whispered. He didn't care if it was too soon to say it again, he needed her to know.

"I know, and I love you too, I never stopped," she whispered, resting her hands against his chest.

They smiled at each other, Matt kissed her forehead again and pulled her in for a hug. They snickered when Gabby had to adjust to hug him properly as her swollen abdomen prevented her from doing so.

* * *

Matt knocked on the door of Elizabeth's apartment and waited until he heard small footsteps rushing towards the door.

The door opened showing Grace whose eyes lit up when she saw her dad. "Daddy, I missed you," she exclaimed, hugging his legs.

"Hey, baby, I missed you too," Matt said softly as he lifted her in his arms, her arms wrapping around his neck. "Did you have fun with Lilith and Auntie Ellie?" He asked at the same time that Elizabeth approached the door still in her pajamas and with Charlotte on her hip.

"Yes, we went to the park and ate ice cream, then we came to watch Moana but I fell asleep and didn't finish it," she told him, lifting her head from his shoulder to look at him still hugging his neck. "Then we had mac and cheese and before going to sleep I played with Charlie and helped her stand up and I was very careful," she continued in an exciting way.

"Yeah, she was my little helper, she even helped me change a diaper," Elizabeth added with a smile and wagging her eyebrows when he looked at her.

"It sounds like you had a good time, but now you have to come home with your old dad who has a surprise at waiting for you," he said, kissing his daughter's cheek as she started to wiggle to be put down when she heard the word 'surprise'.

"I'll go get my things!" Grace exclaimed excitedly as she ran inside the apartment as soon as Matt put her down.

They laughed at her sudden excitement.

"So, congratulations are in order?" Elizabeth asked with a gentle smile as she adjusted Charlotte who wiggled wanting to follow her little friend inside.

Matt smiled. "Yeah, they are. There are still moments when I think that I'll wake up and everything will be a dream, but it's not." He took a deep breath before continuing. "We talked, everything is a little complicated and when you two talk she will surely tell you, but we know that we want this to work, for our children, and for us." 

"Good, I'm happy, for both of you, you deserve this." She smiled at him. Before they could talk any more Grace returned.

"I'm ready, daddy!" She announced when she got to Elizabeth's side.

"Well, I'll see you two tomorrow," Elizabeth said as she brushed Grace's hair from her face. "Remember to bring your books so we can practice for your test."

Grace nodded, grabbing her father's outstretched hand. "Bye Charlie, see you soon!" she waved at the baby, Elizabeth waving her little arm for her as Matt and Grace headed to the stairs.

"Daddy, what's my surprise? Can you give me a hint?" Grace asked as Matt strapped her to her booster seat.

"I don't think so, you're very smart, you'll guess right away and then it won't be a surprise anymore," Matt reasoned with his daughter, kissing her nose as she giggled. 

He closed the car door and walked to his own. Before getting in, he sent a quick text to Gabby letting her know that they were on their way.

Now that they were approaching the apartment he started feeling nervous, the good kind of nervous, he couldn't wait to see his daughter's reaction when she saw Gabby.

"What are we going to have for breakfast? I ate half banana and gave the other half to Charlie, she made a mess, it was so funny," Grace told him, laughing as he parked the truck in front of his apartment building.

"You'll like it, that's all I can tell you," he said before getting out of the car and heading for Grace's door.

"Are we going to eat strawberry Nutella pancakes? Is that my surprise? Why?" She asked excitedly as he got her out of her booster seat.

Matt laughed, his daughter only had one favorite breakfast and he only made it on special occasions.

"I've already said a lot, and that's not even the real surprise," he teased as they started walking to the building.

"Daddy?" Grace asked more quietly while waiting for the elevator, continuing when he made a sound of acknowledgement. "Are you going to introduce me to your new girlfriend?"

Matt felt his heart stop for a minute when he heard Grace's question, he looked down at her in surprise hoping it was a joke but she was looking at the floor, stepping on her shoelaces nervously, her lower lip wobbling slightly as it jutted out.

"What? No! Grace honey, why would you think that?" He asked, keeping his voice as soft as possible trying to keep the shock out of it so as not to alarm her as he bent down to tie her shoes properly.

He was sure he had never talked about that with his daughter, as far as she knew he was still married to her mother.

"Brett told me that you and mommy divorced and divorced mommies and daddies have boyfriends and girlfriends, that's what Jimmy from kindergarten told me," she told him in a quiet voice as if she were telling him something he shouldn't know.

Wait, what? Matt thought to himself. He couldn’t actually believe she would say such a thing to his daughter about his relationship status with her mother. Despite their differences, Matt and Gabby had agreed on keeping their daughter in the dark to protect her, and Brett should have known better.

"When did she tell you that? You should have talked to me about it," he told her, trying to sound calm. He was angry, not with Grace, with Brett. In what way did she ever think it would be okay for her to share this kind of news with his daughter? And then fail to ever mention that she had done so to him?

Grace shrugged her shoulders nervously. "After Foster left I told her I was going to tell mommy to come back and work with her but she said she wasn't coming back because you were divorced, I didn't know what that meant so I asked Jimmy because his parents are divorced too and he explained it to me." She looked down at her hands. "I thought that's why mommy doesn't answer the phone anymore," she said, pouting slightly.

Matt didn't think he would have to have this conversation when Gabby was waiting for them in his apartment.

"Baby, why didn't you ask me?" He asked, still crutching down at Grace's level, moving his hands to hold hers.

"Because you were sad and I thought it was because mommy didn't love us anymore," she explained, bringing one of her hands to rub her watery eyes.

"No, no, baby, look at me," he told her, slowly bringing her to his chest and standing up to hold her in his arms, her watery blue eyes looked at him. "Mommy loves you, never doubt that. And if someone tells you something about us or just something you don't understand you can always ask us," he explained softly, getting on the thankfully empty elevator. "We can talk about everything after breakfast, after you see your surprise," he tried to cheer her up, bouncing her a little and kissing her head which was now resting on his shoulder. He knew her mood would change drastically once she saw Gabby.

He took the keys out of his pocket once they reached his apartment floor, still holding Grace with his left arm which was also holding her bag.

As he opened the door he made as much noise as possible to alert Gabby that they had arrived, left the keys in the entrance cabinet, and hung Grace's backpack as a knot settled in his stomach.

Grace remained with her head buried in his neck the rest of the way to the kitchen where Gabby was sure to be waiting.

He reached the kitchen and stopped, Gabby was standing there watching them, neither of them knowing how to do this.

He took a deep breath, turning his head to whisper in Grace's ear. "Aren't you going to say hello?"

Grace lifted her head with her eyes closed, something she always did when someone had a surprise for her, saying it made the surprise better.

Gabby approached them slowly, nervously rubbing her hands up and down her thighs, hoping her daughter would be happy to see her.

When Grace opened her eyes it took her a second to realize what she was seeing. "Mommy," she whispered, her eyes widening slightly. She blinked a few times, as though she was trying to determine whether or not she was dreaming. 

Gabby watched her lower lip begin to tremble as her little arms slipped off Matt's neck and stretched out toward her. She closed the distance between her and her daughter and soon their tears began to flow, Grace clinging to her neck as soon as she could, Matt still holding most of her weight.

Gabby's heart broke when she felt how tightly Grace was clinging to her neck as if she thought she would disappear at any moment. She blamed herself for that and for her daughter’s tears, she had selfishly left without thinking about the pain she was causing her baby, thinking that just by talking on the phone she wouldn't feel like her mother had left her, but she had been wrong. She should have come back the first time her daughter had asked her to.

She cried too, whispering to Grace how much she had missed her and how much she loved her. She opened her eyes when she felt Matt move closer to her and rub her back, he had a little smile on his face, still holding Grace's lower half, not wanting Gabby to hold all of their daughter's weight.

Grace's reaction surprised Matt a little but he wasn't worried, she had gone a month without talking to her mother and thinking she didn't love her anymore, crying was probably her way of unloading all the worry she had had.

After a few minutes they both calmed down, only sniffs could be heard in the apartment, Gabby rubbing Grace's back and Matt Gabby's.

When Matt felt Grace starting to move, probably wanting to be held by her mother, he decided they had to move to the couch.

"Baby, let's go sit on the couch so you can sit on mommy's lap," he said, trying to get Grace back into his arms and failing when she just held on tighter. "Come on, Grace, you're just moving to the couch, then you can sit with mommy all day if you want," he tried again, this time succeeding.

Gabby smiled once Grace was back in Matt's arms, raising her hand she wiped away her tears and held her little face. "You've gotten so big, baby," she said in disbelief at how much her little girl had grown since the last time she had seen her.

Grace smiled shyly, holding her mother's arm and resting her head in her hand. "Daddy told me that you were a surprise."

"Did he now? Well, I hope you are not disappointed," she teased, smiling as she tickled Grace's neck with her pinky, making her giggle.

"Can you continue to catch up on the couch? You're not so little anymore and daddy's arms won't be able to make breakfast if they're tired," he joked, joining the tickles, making Grace let out a loud laugh.

He put Grace down who automatically grabbed with one hand onto his pants, he didn't know what was making her so nervous. "Go ahead, I'm going to finish the pancakes, and then we can have breakfast there," he said, Gabby holding out her hand for Grace to take. The little girl flinched slightly at the sight of Gabby, the former paramedic becoming wary and apprehensive of her daughter’s change in mood whilst Matt remained oblivious.

He placed his hand on Grace's back when she didn't make a move to grab Gabby's hand and felt how tense she had become. She suddenly looked up at him. "I want to make breakfast with you," she asked, the smile on her face replaced with a slight pout.

"We can make breakfast all together if you-"

"No!” she cut Gabby off who looked at her in surprise at her harsh tone of voice, “just me and daddy!" 

"Grace! Don't talk to your mother like that, what's gotten into you?" Matt asked, surprised at his daughter’s sudden outburst. Grace had never spoken to them like that.

Grace looked at him with a scowl, upset that he didn't understand her anger, so she let go of her father's pants and dodging her mother she ran to her room, slamming the door behind her.

Gabby and Matt stood in the middle of the kitchen in shock, neither knowing what to do.

Grace was a normal kid and like all kids she had had tantrums, but never like this. She had never spoken in that tone to either of them, much less run and slam the door.

Matt looked at Gabby when he saw her moving towards the couch, running her hands across her face as she sat down.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked her, walking towards her and sitting down beside her and rubbing her back comfortingly as she nodded. "I'll go talk to her, I thought that seeing you would make her forget, but I didn't think she would react like that-"

"Forget about what? What are you talking about?" She interrupted his rambling, looking at him confusedly.

Matt let out a breath. "She knows we're divorced, she told me right when we were about to get on the elevator," he explained.

"What? How? Since when?" Gabby was extremely confused, she hadn't thought that that had been why Grace had reacted like that, although even knowing she was sure that that hadn't been the reason, at least not entirely.

"She told me Brett told her." Gabby couldn't believe what her ears were hearing. "Don't ask me why because I don't know, but I'll surely find out tomorrow." 

If he was feeling angry he could only begin to imagine how Gabby was feeling.

Gabby laid back and closed her eyes breathing deeply, something she had begun to do to stay calm since she found out she was pregnant. She felt Matt rest his hand on her belly and smiled.

He kissed her forehead softly. "I'll go talk to her," he said, starting to stand but being stopped by Gabby's hand holding his arm.

"Don't,” Gabby stopped him, “let her have a minute. Besides, she didn't get like that because of what Brett told her," she said, Matt looking slightly confused. "When you put her down she saw my belly," she explained, her left hand joining Matt's right on her swollen stomach. The baby wasn't moving at the moment, but both of them felt comforted just knowing it was there. "We'll give her some minutes to calm down, I'm sure she just doesn't know how to feel. You can continue making breakfast while I go talk to her," she smiled, bringing her hand to caress his cheek.

Matt leaned his head on her hand, sighing. "Did your motherly instincts get stronger while you were away?" He teased her. 

He had always been impressed by Gabby's natural instinct when it came to being a mother. Although as Grace grew up she became a daddy's girl, he never quite understood her as much as Gabby did.

Grace had been almost three months old when she had been left outside the firehouse and she had spent almost a month in an orphanage before she was officially given to Gabby. He hadn't been with them for the first month and a half, Grace had been five months old when he and Gabby had gotten back together and he would never forget how hard it had been to win Grace's trust.

That first month together had been tough. Gabby had officially adopted Grace and they thought they were going to have another baby.

Grace had been totally dependent on Gabby, so it had been hard for her to get used to Matt. Grace hadn't been a baby who cried much, but Matt believed that he had never heard her cry as much as in those first few days he had begun taking care of her.

Then they lost their baby.

In the days they spent resting and mourning, Grace had gone back to being the quiet baby she used to be, even with Matt, probably sensing the sadness her parents carried.

It had been Gabby's idea for Matt to adopt Grace as well. It had been a month since they had lost their baby, it had been early morning and they were both awake after Grace had woken them up.

When they thought they were going to have a baby they had started trying to get Grace to sleep in her own room but after their loss Gabby had demanded for Grace to go back to sleep beside their bed.

They had formed a sort of nighttime routine in which after her last bottle before they got up, Grace would fall asleep between the two of them, that morning she had fallen asleep on Matt's chest. 

He had been dozing off when he felt Gabby's hand entwine with his which had been resting on Grace's back who had been sound asleep.

She had simply asked him if it was something he wanted to do, and he had said yes because in the short time he had been with her he had only thought of her as nothing else but his daughter.

"Well, I hope so, soon I will need them twice as much," Gabby answered teasingly, smiling as she looked at him.

Matt chuckled softly, he was still worried about Grace, but he knew that, as always, Gabby would know how to handle it.

"Okay, I'll go finish those pancakes, that we'll probably have as brunch more than as breakfast, while you go talk to her," he said as he got up, helping Gabby stand up and leaving a kiss on her forehead, giving her hand a last squeeze and letting Gabby wobble her way to their daughter's room. He thinks he would never get tired of seeing her pregnant, he had imagined her like this countless times, but nothing compared to the reality.

She had told him that their baby, besides being completely healthy, also leaned to the bigger side so because she was small, Gabby was all belly.

Gabby knocked on Grace's bedroom door. "Grace? It's mommy, can you open the door?" She waited until she heard the sound of her little bare feet approaching the door.

Grace opened the door, leaving it ajar and running back under her sheets, turning away from her mother.

Gabby entered the room carefully, watching her step even though she knew that, thanks to growing up in a firehouse, Grace had learned to pick up after herself.

She searched for her daughter and found her in her bed, under the covers, with her back to her and probably hugging her favorite stuffed goat that she had since she was a year old.

Gabby sat on the edge of the bed. "Hey, baby, can you tell mommy why you ran off like that?" She asked, slowly stroking her hair. When Grace didn't answer she tried again. "What made you so angry, Gracie? I thought you were happy to see me."

Grace muttered something incomprehensible as she huddled closer to her stuffed animal. "Grace, I don't understand you, can you turn around for me, please."

"You’re going to replace me! Y-You don’t want me," Grace exclaimed loudly, still facing away and surprising Gabby. Her little girl had never spoken to her like that and whilst her voice started as angry and defiant, it quickly broke morphing into sadness.

Gabby’s heart broke at the sound. It took her a moment to realize what Grace had told her, why did she think they were going to replace her? She thought that in the worst-case her daughter would be angry or indifferent to the news that she was going to have a sibling, but she never thought that she would think she was going to be replaced.

"No, baby, why would you think that?" 

"You don't love me anymore because I'm not your biological daughter and now daddy won't want me anymore either because you're gonna have a biological baby together," Grace explained, the sound of her trembling voice breaking Gabby's heart. 

Grace had always known she was adopted. Back in their old apartment, she liked to pick out one of the many pictures they had framed and listen to its story before going to sleep. Once she picked out a picture of the three of them together the day Grace had officially become Grace Casey and they decided not to hide her real story from her.

She had no trouble accepting it, Gabby and Matt told her about her birth parents and a very light version of how she had ended up outside the firehouse, but she never really cared much about talking about her birth parents after that.

"Grace, can you look at me? I want to look at you when I'm talking to you," Gabby said, changing her tone of voice to one that she knew her daughter would listen to.

After hearing her mother's change of tone, Grace slowly turned around, still hugging her goat, which had been a gift from Otis after she had named the goat on truck 81 'Otis' because he was the one driving the truck.

Grace looked up at Gabby, blue eyes still wet with tears.

Gabby smiled as she softly wiped her daughter's tears. "I love you, Grace, and daddy loves you too. It never mattered that you weren't biologically ours, you're always going to be our first baby and even if we had ten biological babies, we would always love you as if you were too. Baby, we are so happy that you came into our lives when you did. We could never regret you. I may not have carried you in my tummy, but the moment I saw you, I knew you were mine and I knew I would never let you go no matter what." She pushed some strands of hair off Grace's face as she sniffed and smiled a little as her mom stroked her cheek. "You are going to be a great big sister, you told me how much you love taking care of Charlotte, and daddy and I are going to need your help when this baby is born."

"And your little brother or sister will love you as much as we do." Both girls turned to the bedroom room where Matt was standing, leaning on his shoulder on the door frame.

Gabby smiled when Grace unwrapped one arm from around her stuffed animal to extend it towards her father, telling him to come closer. In a way, she loved seeing the bond that Grace and Matt had formed in her absence, although she was going to have to get used to no longer being her daughter's first choice.

Matt walked over to his girls, grabbing Grace from under her shoulders when he came close and sitting her on his lap as he sat next to Gabby.

"You got into bed with dirty clothes," he scolded her lightly as he tapped the tip of her nose to make her smile.

"Sorry, daddy," she apologized, now extending one of her arms to her mother who held her hand. "Sorry for screaming at you, mommy, I got scared."

"It's okay, baby, but you never have to doubt that daddy and I love you," she said kissing her daughter's hand and kissing her cheek repeatedly when she moved onto her lap to hug her.

Grace extended her little arm to her father so he would also be part of the hug. Matt smiling widely and wrapping his arms around his girls, letting out a relieved sigh now that his little family was complete.

"I love you, mommy, I love you, daddy and I love little brother or sister, too," Grace whispered, cuddled between her parents. "Very much a lot."

“We love you too baby,” both parents replied, holding their daughter tightly in between them, the family of three- soon to be four, basking in the love with their embrace.


End file.
